CaringMatters

We are deeply saddened by the passing of Charles “Chuck” Short, a longtime advocate for Montgomery County and its nonprofit community.

Chuck dedicated his life to public service and to ensuring that people—especially our most vulnerable neighbors—had the support they needed. His commitment to strengthening nonprofits and caring for our community resonates deeply with the work we do at CaringMatters, supporting individuals and families through grief, loss, and difficult times.

We are grateful for Chuck’s many years of service and advocacy. Our heartfelt condolences to his family, friends, colleagues, and all who were fortunate to know him.

Dolly Parton’s legacy includes an unfortunate reality of caregiving: Not taking care of oneself | CNN Like many caregivers, Dolly Parton didn’t take care of her own health while caring for her ailing husband. That’s not unusual, even among people with resources.

"The Phone Call that Taught Me How To Grieve,"
Written by Bishal Gyawali, MD, PhD, shared with CaringMatters by one of our caregiver grief support group facilitators, Susan Eisen.

Mike (name changed) was one of my favorite patients. We aren’t supposed to have favorites, but we are human. And sometimes you just have that unexplainable bond with someone.
Mike was 65 when he died in late June. He had metastatic colorectal cancer that had spread to his liver, lungs, and peritoneum.

I met Mike for the first time 2 years ago. I explained in our first visit that his cancer wasn’t curable.

He was well-educated and optimistic, though he was not a “fighter” (I think that metaphor does more harm than good, anyway). When I offered to provide more details about his prognosis, he said he didn’t need or want that information. He wanted to live his life to the fullest without making cancer the focal point.

The only treatment-related question he ever asked me was if he’d be eligible for immunotherapy (he was not). Otherwise, he completely trusted me to make the best decisions for him.
His wife, Jess, was very supportive. She accompanied him to every visit. Although she might have wanted more information about Mike’s prognosis, she respected his decision.

Mike and I shared a special bond that went beyond patient-doctor relationships. I treated his cancer, but I also cared for him. We talked about our vacation and travel plans; we joked around and teased each other. He told me about his life: his love of horses, sailing, and traveling in his RV, which he was quite proud of.
He prioritized living his best life over the longest possible life. So, we arranged several treatment breaks to allow his travels. During those breaks, I offered to make phone appointments to save him the trouble of coming to the cancer center. But he always insisted on seeing me in person. “It’s no trouble. Even if there is nothing to do, I just want to see your face,” he would say.

We had become so close that just seeing his name on the list of my patients for that day would bring a smile to my face.
After progressing on two lines of chemotherapy, his functional status had declined. He opted not to try chemotherapy for a third time to avoid the side effects of treatment. Ascites became the biggest nuisance towards the end of his life. I was thankful that he had an excellent palliative care team.

When Jess brought him to the ER on a Saturday morning late June, she just wanted to make sure he was okay after a fall. They had dinner reservations that night. After a few hours in the ER, when they were asked about their intent regarding resuscitation and intubation, the first reaction was, “That means we won’t make it for dinner tonight?”

Mike passed away the next day. Thankfully, peacefully, and not with any pain. Jess was with him the whole time.
I wasn’t in the hospital when this happened. When I returned from my travels, I learned that Mike had passed away. It was heartbreaking for me. I loved him.

Throughout his care, he had been adamant about not having conversations about his prognosis, and I respected those wishes but also wished I had been better able to prepare him and Jess for this moment.

When I picked up the phone to call his wife, I had butterflies in my stomach. These calls never get easier.

I asked: “Hello, is this Jess? I am Dr Gyawali from the cancer center.”
“Thank you for calling,” she responded, her voice cracking a little.
I told her that I knew Mike had passed away. She recounted that day with me. She acknowledged my many efforts to talk to Mike about his prognosis but also knew he wished to live the remainder of his life without the burden of that knowledge. I told her that Mike was one of my favorite patients, that I loved him.

She said, “You know, Mike could easily pay to get treated at one of the top cancer centers in the world. But he chose to get treated in Kingston because he liked you and your team here.”

As I was getting ready to put the phone down, Jess said, “I’m sorry for your loss, too, Doctor. I know how much he meant to you. I’m happy you were his oncologist. Please take care of yourself, too.”
I hung up the phone and cried. For a while.

“I am sorry for your loss.” It was the first time a patient’s family told this phrase to me. Of course, it is my loss too. I had never thought of it this way, perhaps I thought I was not allowed to think of it this way. But it is. And this acknowledgment felt like an important step in my own healing. And her final sentence: “Please take care of yourself, too.”

How often we forget to acknowledge that. You can participate in dozens of wellness trainings and seminars your institution throws at you, but unless you acknowledge this vulnerability in yourself and stop pretending that these losses don’t affect you personally, you are not letting yourself grieve properly. You owe it to yourself and your future patients to grieve for your loss, and take care of yourself.

Immediately after that phone call, I sent a text to some of my trainees: “If your patient dies, always call their family. Always. No exception.”

Then I sat down to write this blog.
This is how I grieve.

https://deathwalkerpaula.substack.com/p/the-final-stretch-inside-the-last?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

The Final Stretch: Inside the Last Hours of Caregiving The part of the journey no one prepares them for

When someone you love is facing a serious illness, it's natural to want to do everything possible. But sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is our presence.

Join us for "Ready or Not: Reframing Denial and Finding Grace at the Bedside," a free webinar presented by nurse educator and author. Luke Ottinger, Jr. on Wednesday, August 26 at 10:00 a.m.

Register here: https://secure.qgiv.com/for/webinar/event/readyornot/

Based on his book "Ready or Not: A Bedside Companion for Your Hospice Journey," Luke will explore how shifting our focus from the quantity of time to the quality of our presence can help caregivers and families navigate end-of-life choices with greater clarity, compassion, and grace.

You'll learn about:
• Breaking the cycle of avoidance to make room for meaningful connection.
• Redefining hope when a cure is no longer possible.
• Practical strategies for communicating at the bedside.
• Giving yourself permission to grieve without feeling there is a "right" way.

This webinar is ideal for anyone caring for an aging parent, supporting a loved one through serious illness, navigating a family health crisis, or simply wanting to be better prepared for life's most difficult moments.

Register today and join us for this thoughtful and encouraging conversation: https://secure.qgiv.com/for/webinar/event/readyornot/

Looking for something fun to do this Sunday?

Join us for Trivia Night at Give A Hoot Comedy Club on Sunday, July 19! Gather your friends, test your knowledge, and enjoy a great night out—all while supporting CaringMatters.

Doors open at 6:00 PM - Full La Mexicana Menu Available
Trivia starts at 7:00 PM

$20 in advance ($25 at the door)
$100 cash prize for the winning team
Proceeds benefit CaringMatters

Purchase tickets here: https://www.giveahootcomedy.com/shows/370247

Whether you're a trivia expert or just in it for the laughs, we'd love to see you there. Every ticket helps CaringMatters provide compassionate support to individuals and families facing serious illness, caregiving, loss, and grief.

Purchase your tickets today and help us make this a great event!

Give a Hoot Comedy Club | Trivia Night Benefitting Caring Matters A fun, team-based trivia night where players compete through a series of rounds for a $100 prize and bragging rights.Put your knowledge to the test with questions covering a wide range of topics in a welcoming, easygoing environment.Participants can gain an advantage with options like a Mulligan ($5...

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/18qKs79EyL/

A look back at Summit Hall for .
This photo shows the old barn that once stood on the land where the Caring Matters cottage is now located at Summit Hall Farm Park. According to Frances Kellerman, the barn had deteriorated so badly that it couldn’t be saved. The house her brother later built on this spot eventually became the Caring Matters Cottage many people recognize today.

It’s a reminder of how much this area has changed over the years and how many layers of history are tucked into the places we pass every day.

What if caregiving isn't a burden to hide, but a source of strength to embrace?

In her TEDx talk, longtime CaringMatters volunteer, Carolyn P Schick, shares how caring for loved ones develops resilience, adaptability, empathy, and leadership—qualities that benefit our workplaces and communities every day.

We invite you to watch and be inspired by her powerful message.

Why do we hide caregiving in the workplace? | Carolyn Schick | TEDxMontgomery College What if caregiving isn't a burden to hide, but a source of strength...

https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/documentaries/camp-widow/

Camp Widow | Short Documentary Film | Independent Lens | PBS Camp Widow is a yearly gathering for people wanting help navigating the tricky waters of grief, and a place to find joy with new friends who truly understand.

We’re hiring!
CaringMatters is seeking a Development Manager to play a key role in strengthening the systems, data, and relationships that support our mission of ensuring that no one faces serious illness, caregiving, or grief alone.

View the full job listing here: https://www.caringmatters.org/employment

This position is at the heart of our development operations and will help ensure the accuracy, consistency, and usefulness of our donor data as we implement and expand our new donor database, Bloomerang. The Development Manager will oversee gift processing, donor records, reporting, stewardship tracking, and development support functions that help power our fundraising efforts.

In addition to database and systems management, this role supports donor stewardship, fundraising events, and development communications. The ideal candidate brings strong organizational skills, exceptional attention to detail, and a commitment to maintaining accurate and confidential donor information while supporting meaningful relationships with donors, sponsors, and community partners.

Key areas of responsibility include:
• Managing and maintaining the Bloomerang donor database
• Processing gifts, acknowledgments, and donor records
• Supporting donor stewardship and fundraising communications
• Assisting with signature events such as Raise Your Glass, the Golf Tournament, and the Gala
• Supporting grant tracking, reporting, and development coordination

This is a collaborative role working closely with the COO, CCO, CEO, staff, board members, and volunteers to advance CaringMatters’ fundraising goals.

Qualifications include a bachelor’s degree, 3+ years of nonprofit development or donor relations experience, strong database skills, and excellent attention to detail and communication skills.

To apply, please send your resume and cover letter (including salary requirement) to [email protected] with “Development Manager – [Your Name]” in the subject line. No phone calls, please.

We look forward to welcoming someone who is excited to help strengthen the infrastructure that supports our mission and community impact.