Boca Raton Center for Child & Family

Can we stop automatically calling screen time “relaxing”?
Screens can certainly be enjoyable, and there is nothing wrong with a child occasionally using a device to unwind.
But problems can develop when a screen becomes the default response every time a child is tired, bored, quiet, waiting, or uncomfortable.
Children also need opportunities to learn how to relax through:
reading
drawing
music
movement
outdoor play
building
imaginative play
quiet time
These experiences require children to generate some of their own stimulation rather than having it immediately provided for them.
Then parents sometimes tell me:
“My child is bored all the time.”
“They have no imagination.”
“They never want to do anything.”
The goal is not eliminating screens.
It is helping children learn that relaxation and constant stimulation are not the same thing.
Dr. Edan M. Alcalay, Psy.D.
Child Psychologist
BocaRatonChild.com

Maybe your child isn’t the only one dependent on the screen.
That might sting a little.
But think about the pattern:
Bored? Screen.
Waiting? Screen.
Whining? Screen.
Car ride? Screen.
Restaurant? Screen.
Then we wonder why children start expecting a device whenever life gets uncomfortable.
Children learn what repeatedly happens around them.
This is not about shaming parents.
Parenting is exhausting. Screens are convenient.
But if the screen becomes the automatic answer to every difficult moment, the habit may belong to the whole family.
Your child may not be the only one who needs to break it.

Your child “won’t sleep”?
Before assuming there is a mysterious bedtime problem, ask a simpler question:
What is sitting next to the bed?
A phone?
A tablet?
Games?
Notifications?
YouTube?
Children should not be expected to show more self-control than the environment adults have created for them.
If bedtime has become a nightly battle, change the environment before escalating the battle.
Charge devices outside the bedroom.
Set the rule.
Hold the rule.
You’re the parent. Bedtime should not be negotiable with an iPad.

Dr. Edan M. Alcalay, Psy.D.
Child Psychologist
BocaRatonChild.com

Your child may not have a screen problem. The problem might be the pattern we created.
That is harder to hear, but it matters.
The iPad did not decide to become part of dinner, car rides, restaurants, bedrooms, boredom, frustration, or waiting.
Children learn routines quickly.
If the repeated pattern becomes:
Bored → screen
Upset → screen
Waiting → screen
the child begins to expect that response.
I understand why it happens. Parenting is exhausting, and screens can make difficult moments easier.
But when convenience becomes the answer every single time, parents may be reinforcing the very habit they later want to change.
Stop blaming the screen. Change the pattern. Hold the boundary.

Dr. Edan M. Alcalay, Psy.D.
Child Psychologist
BocaRatonChild.com

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Three things I would never do as a child psychologist and a dad:

1. Unlimited YouTube access
Children do better with structure and clear limits than with endless access.
2. Let a tablet sleep in the bedroom
Screens at night make boundaries much harder to maintain.
3. Make huge punishments I know I won’t enforce

Threatening “no screens for six months” may sound strong in the moment, but consistency matters more than intensity.

Good boundaries aren’t dramatic. They’re predictable.

YouTube Kids is not a babysitter.

A child can start with something completely appropriate, then move from recommendation to recommendation without a parent choosing each next video.
That’s the part I want parents thinking about.
You’re not selecting every next piece of content.
The algorithm is.

This isn’t about panicking over YouTube or banning every video.
It’s about remembering that “kid-friendly” does not mean you can completely check out.
Algorithms don’t parent. You do.

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“I just don’t want my child to be left out.”
That fear is very real for parents.
Nobody wants their child sitting there while everyone else talks about a group chat, game, phone, or platform they are not part of.
But belonging does not require participating in every digital experience their peers have.
The question should not simply be:
“Does everyone else have it?”
The better questions are:
Is my child ready for it?
Can they handle the responsibility?
Does it fit our family’s values and boundaries?
Because if your rule becomes:
“Everyone else has it, so you can have it too...”
then somebody else is starting to set your parenting boundaries.
Your child’s classmates should not determine what technology enters your home.

Yes. I absolutely judge this. 😂
Your child says, “I’m bored,” and suddenly the iPad appears.
Boredom is uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean it needs to be fixed immediately.
Children also need opportunities to:
imagine
create
wander
problem solve
initiate their own play
tolerate not being instantly entertained
This isn’t about banning screens.
It’s about not treating boredom like an emergency.
Sometimes the response can simply be:
“Good. Figure something out.”

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This is going to make some parents mad.

Your child does not need an iPad every time you go to a restaurant.
I understand why it happens.
The child is quiet.
You get to eat.
You may even get to finish a conversation.
I have kids too. I get it.

But waiting, talking, coloring, observing, and even being bored for a little while are also important parts of childhood.
This is not about banning screens.
It is about making sure screens do not become the only way a child can tolerate ordinary moments.

Convenience is great. Real life still needs practice.

Dr. Edan M. Alcalay, Psy.D.
Child Psychologist
BocaRatonChild.com

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GREEN. YELLOW. RED. 🚦
Three popular children’s shows. Three very different Screen Check ratings.
🟢 Numberblocks
Educational, playful, and built around early math concepts.
🟡 Spidey and His Amazing Friends
Strong teamwork and problem solving, but more superhero action, conflict, and stimulation.
🔴 Masha and the Bear
Entertaining, but younger children may imitate Masha’s impulsive and disruptive behavior without understanding the humor or context.
The question shouldn’t only be:
“How much screen time?”
Also ask:
“What are they actually watching?”